gift of the gab

I have been meaning to write this post for a while, but trying to think of the correct phrasing is tricky.

Gab was an elective mute until about the middle of grade two - and she still has significant difficulties talking with new people (she is currently in grade four).  As an extroverted speechie it has been quite a journey having an introverted, slightly sensory defensive, elective mute daughter.

When she was a tiny thing she only spoke to immediate family.  And sometimes tradesman.  She was right on developmental norms for starting her talking - single words at about 12 months, words together at about 22 months.  But she steadfastedly refused to talk to anyone at church or kindy or at parties. She would cling onto my neck or crouch behind my legs and whisper constantly 'when are we going home'.

Gab age three.  On my lap - default position.

At kindy her teacher was desperate for Gabby to talk with her and would try every trick in the book.  Gabby's red ringlets and big green eyes invited comment and conversation.  But the more she pushed the more Gab would clam up.  She was nervous and anxious, and exercised her control by her silence.

Her Sunday School teacher was also very keen for Gab to speak to her.  I asked Gab 'Why don't you talk to Mrs ____'.  She replied "I will talk with her when I am four'.  Her birthday came on a Sunday, and her teacher had prepared a cake and a present and a party hat, and said 'Mum told me that you were going to talk to me when you were four'.  And Gabby said 'Yes.  Hello.'  And that was it.  No more talking for the rest of the year.

Many adults have tried and failed to get Gab to talk with them.  Here is what I did with my elective mute daughter:
- checked her language and speech and hearing was okay (fortunately I could do the language assessments myself, and I got her hearing checked at the audiologist) - all developmentally good - some children can be electively mute because they have significant speech difficulties
- ALWAYS expected her to reply and left space at the end of my comments, even if she didn't fill them in for a long time
- didn't MAKE her talk to new people - I think I instinctively realised what a big deal it was for her with anxiety and sensory issues
- encouraged her gently when she did talk with someone but didn't make a huge deal out of it
- took her to dancing - which I think was a big confidence builder for her where she had to perform in front of people but not talk
- made youtubes and recordings of her talking at home to send in to her prep teacher/year one teacher so they could do assessments with her language
- remembered that she is introverted and needed recharging time at home playing in her room (unlike Annika and I who need people all the time)
- let her teachers lead the way with her progress and their expectations at school, and she has had some really good teachers who look after her
and recently I have enrolled her in horse riding where she needs to use her voice to control the horse, and be quite firm with it.

In the last year she has really started talking with new people - she will rarely initiate a conversation but will reply well.  And she talked about joining the drama club at school this year!  Last year she needed to practice her school orals about 50 times.

I think her slight sensory issues also have something to do with the elective mutism - she is picky with her food, she wears particular comfortable clothing, she gets upset with sand and dirt and insects.  But she overcomes all this most of the time and deals with it well.

At home she is the funniest person I know, and the loudest and one of the most imaginative.  She is very caring with young children and she wants to be a paediatric nurse at the Mater when she grows up - I can see this happening as she is determined, a good listener, not squeamish at all with body functions and injury and loves babies.

Gab age 5

She is an amazing unique person - and I can see why everyone is so desperate to have Gabby talking with them. You just have to be allowed in.


Gab is a gift.