This afternoon we had a lovely afternoon at the 40th birthday party of one of my uni friends. The weather was lovely, the food delicious and my children relatively well behaved.
But what does an extrovert like me do at a party when you only know the host, and you don't want to hang around her ALL afternoon because it looks a bit needy?
I decided to:
- sit close to a group of people and laugh at the right bits in the conversation
- help bring out the food and arrange it on the table
- chat with the three year olds about chickens in the back of the garden for a while
- engage the elderly aunts and uncles in conversation by asking about their hobbies - had a long conversation about match stick modelling, model train sets, quilt making and how to make pastry well
- do all the washing up for the party - in which I finally made a couple of friends and we talk for the rest of the afternoon. My host's lovely aunt told me all about her time in Papua New Guinea, and some other guests and I realised we had a connection long ago.
It made me realise about what it may feel like to be new again at a big gathering, like church, and how important it is to be friendly. No-one my age really made the effort this afternoon to say 'hi' - they all had their own friends. It was the older relatives who were kind and initiated conversations with me. I had to work quite hard to feel part of the party.
So tomorrow at church I will make sure I say hi to at least five people I don't know. A smile can go a long way to making someone feel welcome and wanted, and actual engagement in conversation an even longer way.
Striking up a conversation with a Year 12 Leaver on a bus to a Schoolies camp is also a great way to recruit new speechies!! This was a Great post!! It's so true that many people stick to their comfortable groups. It takes a special sort of spirit to deliberately get into conversations with people you don't know, but it's so worth it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate. I try to talk to lots of people! And considering I picked a career that involves striking up conversations with reluctant talkers.....
DeleteI wish I'd been there. I know both you and the party girl! How very sad that no one your age included you in conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou could do what I did this morning: introduce a new person to another friend. And get all the details wrong: I pronounced her surname wrong and forgot her first name and then said that her child was in the wrong grade. And I didn't realise the final one until I got home. Hmmm.