an autumnic wedding

Last week we made the trip south to a picturesque Armidale for a special wedding - for my mother-in-law. It is not really my story to tell of their autumn romance.  But it was a happy occasion.  And I can tell the story of our trip to see it.

We got all dressed up in our bestest best best.  This had involved MANY discussions and preparation.  Gabby had even packed a plastic snaplock bag in her suitcase called 'Granny's wedding outfit'.  I learned how to do a fishbraid.

This is another bit of the family all dressed up.  Hanging our with cousins rocks.

I had optimistically packed a sleeveless silk dress to wear to the wedding.  I didn't really think through the coldness of a brick cathedral in Armidale in autumn.  I wore my back up outfit (because I definitely didn't pack light this trip as we were driving down - I had a couple of back up outfits).

And they got married.  To the lovely liturgy of the old Anglican wedding service.  The rhythms of the words that have been said for centuries.

We surprised them by singing a song that all of their children had practised - in a four part arrangement.  It was an achievement getting everyone together to practise without the wedding couple finding out.  We had to be quite sneaky....

And now we have a super big family - kids, spouses, more kids, cousins, in-laws, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, daughters, sons.  One granny.  And new relationships.

It was such a good week of meeting and playing with everyone.  Remembering new beginnings at Easter.

They had a BBQ tea reception and twin croquembouches.  I am wiping a little piece of drool off thinking about those delicious custard filled pastries drizzled with toffee.

 On Easter Sunday we went on an Easter picnic after church.  Kass (my exceptionally creative sister-in-law) had created this amazing pinata.

Ella made short work of it.  Easter eggs flew everywhere.  There was a flurry and a scramble from all the cousins to grab the eggs and avoid the patch of stinging nettles.

Where there is a creek boys will chuck rocks into it.  And judge each other's performance.  And be competitive about it.

Victorious easter egg hunt competitor.

Where there is water kids will get into it and fall in.  Even when it is a chilly Armidale afternoon.

It was such a good week with family.  Thankful.

BBQ Stories - trying to set up an Easter Egg hunt...

This seems a good time of year to tell the story of when I tried to set up an Easter Egg hunt for my children.

Chris was away for the Easter long weekend (maybe at EasterFest...can't remember - important part was he was away).  I was looking after the girls at home - they would have been about five and seven years old.  I decided that for Easter morning I would make an amazing Easter Egg hunt.

(WARNING: STOP READING NOW IF YOU THINK THE EASTER BUNNY LEAVES THE EGGS AND THE TOOTH FAIRY LEAVES THE MONEY AND CLOTHES MAGICALLY WASH THEMSELVES AND MONEY GROWS ON TREES...)

I made clues to follow and left little puzzles for them.  I even drew a MAP.  I placed about 16 medium sized eggs out in the garden late on Saturday night.  I cunningly hid them in the treehouse, under the stairs, in the letterbox, under leaves - not too tricky, not too easy.  My girls could sniff out chocolate with their eyes closed (I like to think that is a genetic trait from me).

We woke up excitedly on Easter morning.  I wanted to do my AMAZING treasure egg finding eggstranvaganza before we went to church.  I gave the girls the map and instructions.  And let them run outside.  I was listening for the shouts of laughter and happy giggles.

What I heard was disappointed moans.

I went out to investigate, trying to subtly check if the eggs were still in the right place.

No eggs.

Anywhere.

I did find little scraps of foil wrapper hidden in the treehouse and scattered among the leaves.

All I can surmise is that somewhere in a treetop was a very ill chocolate filled possum.

And the girls had no eggs from us that Easter.

13 things I have learned being the mum of a picky eater who now eats

While I am in reflection mode I thought I would remember the years of dealing with my picky eating second daughter.  The things I learned and the parenting fails.

1. Eating is so emotionally powerful.  If they couldn't control anything else in their life they could control where and when they opened their mouths.  I have (mostly) learned not to take it as a personal rejection if they refuse the meal I had spent ages over.  My identity as a mother is not around whether my children praise me for every morsel I feed them.  My job is to consistently serve up healthy balanced meals and model how to eat it.

2.  I just needed to BACK OFF.  I have found that if we had the expectation that she would sit with us at mealtimes, and presented her food, then merrily eat around her and talk about different things, most of the time she might try what is in front of her.

3. Telling her about research helped.  I informed her that most of the children around the world, regardless of country and age, take about 20-25 minutes to have a meal.  Beyond that it is mucking around and wasting energy.  So mealtimes became a 30 minute routine - washing hands (sensory getting ready), eating together, and cleaning up your plate.  This completely took the pressure off sitting and waiting for her to finish eating.

4.  Having a stable posture really made a difference.  My child would spend half of the dinner time upside down, running around the table or swinging on the chair.  Giving her a 90-90-90 (feet, knees, hips) sitting position helped unbelievably.  I used phone books under her feet and/or the little step Ikea stool.  She didn't have to worry that her body was swinging around in space and could concentrate more on the different textures in her food.

5. We changed most of our meals to family style serving - when you put out all of the food and let her choose what she would like to eat and how much.  And we included a safe food that we knew she would eat.  For example, when I made slow cooker stew (which she hated) I served bread slices with it (which she loved).  She gradually started dipping her bread into the stew and trying it.  And I didn't say anything or force her too, but just modelled how to do it.  We eat a lot of wrap meals - tacos, burritos, lamb wraps, rice paper rolls etc.  And I hide some vegies in sauces (eg minced zucchini in spaghetti sauce).

6.  She was involved in the cooking - both at home and at school.  They have had the Stephanie Alexander program running at school, which has been amazing.  The flavour combinations are complex and the things they eat straight out of the garden are so fresh.  My daughter has started eating recipes she has done at school that include all sorts of things she had never tried before.

7. We have a meal plan.  She can see for the week what I am planning to cook and plan for it in her mind.  If it is something she doesn't really like she has a few days to work up to it.  I have been cooking my way through a Jamie Oliver cookbook - so some of the flavours are really different for her.  But with warning she copes really well.

8. Dessert night - we have dessert once a week on family night.  If you finish your meal or not you still get dessert.  On other nights if you finish your meal or not you don't get dessert.  Finishing her broccoli has not become dependent on whether you get icecream.  And we have made pretty good desserts.

9. Having both parents model good eating and be calm about food intake.  I have learned this the hard way about not getting emotionally attached.

10. Recognising that sometimes I was getting her to try the most sensorily difficult food at the times when she was the most tired eg stir fry for dinner (all different textures and tastes mixed in together).  I give her more veges and meat earlier in the day when it is calmer - leftovers for breakfast, celery and carrot sticks for morning tea, beef burgers for lunch

11. Encouraging her to try something at least 15 times before she knows she doesn't eat it.  For example, she never really liked fish/seafood. In fact hates them. I kept offering it, until she threw up some dumplings that had prawn in them.  I am fairly certain she may be allergic to seafood (like her grandad).  I work around it now.  Although I kept offering tomatoes in different formats, and now she eats cherry tomatoes and chopped up tomatoes in a salsa.

12.  Letting her pack her own lunchbox and choose what to eat out if it.  I made a list of all the options she could have in her lunch box and gave her the control.  Of course all of the options I gave her I was happy with her eating (eg fruit, crackers, some home baking).  When she was a toddler I used to pack her lunchbox and say to her - 'you can have anything you like out of there, I don't mind'.  She controlled what she ate and when.  I controlled what went into the lunchbox.

13. Kids learn to eat by eating.  All that messy-food everywhere-putting anything and everything in their mouth-experimentation stage is building up their sensory system to try different tastes and textures and get their mouth ready for eating.  Some kids, like mine, take a while to get used to new things, so building up their tolerances slowly, carefully and calmly, possibly over years, is really important.  Being persistent and consistent pays off. It may be just sitting at the table while the scary despised food is there.  It may be being able to take her to someone's house for a BBQ and knowing that I didn't have to bring a separate meal.  I needed to celebrate the wins.

Of course, I have only had a picky eater, not a true fussy feeder.  I work with some kids who need such support with their eating due to major sensory and physical difficulties.  It is a long road for some kids - but I am there to support them.  I will never ever say 'they'll eat when they're hungry'.  Some kids just don't.

I have learned that stand-offs at mealtimes are no fun for anyone, and we descended into power struggles that nobody won.  We have still not got there totally, but our mealtimes are a lot calmer and more enjoyable. And I don't dread cooking, fearing it would be left abandoned on a lonely plate.

Although I have well-fed chickens and a satisfied dog.


NB I have attended a SOS Picky Eaters and Fussy Feeders course with Dr Kay Toomey which is where a lot of this information comes from - it kind of changed my life with eating a bit.  I also really recommend the book 'Child of Mine' by Ellyn Satter.

when your baby is positive and all you are is negative

This is a bit of a flashback blog.

During my pregnancy with Gab, when I had the 28 week blood tests, I got one of those phone calls from the GP - 'can you please come back, there's something not right about your results'.

Gulp.

Heart in my mouth I went back to my wonderful doctor, who had picked up that my titre levels were rising.  At that point I had no idea what that meant.  I nodded, went uh huh, and went off to have another scan of my growing little baby.

I learned that Titre Levels Rising did not mean I was eating way too much chocolate that was good for the baby (as I had suspected), but that my body was creating antibodies against my baby.  I was treating her like a foreign object in my blood.  My body was trying hard to expel her.

She had positive blood.  I am RH negative (here's a definition).

At some point between 12 and 28 weeks in my pregnancy there had been a bleed/some kind of blood transfer between her and me.  I have never really got a full answer on this, but sometimes it just happens.  Usually it is okay (eg positive and positive), but positive and negative blood mixing is BAD.  I had had a needle to prevent further difficulties after my first baby - but somehow it didn't work.

Basically, Gab was in danger of my body rejecting her.

So then came the scans and blood tests every week.  Testing the level of antibodies in my blood, and testing her development of heart, brain and lungs.  The balancing game of keeping her in utero as long as possible to develop and bringing her out before my body attacked her too much.

I remember so clearly the afternoon it was decided that she needed to come out.  I had waited for my blood test results at the Mater, and the doctor said - 'levels too high.  Go home, pack your bag, she's coming out this afternoon.'  I had made it to 36 and a half weeks.

I was induced.

Nuff said.

Then I met my beautiful little surprisingly red haired Gabrielle, got to hold her for about half an hour before she went off to the intensive nursery for severe jaundice.

Here she is having her UV treatment.

She had to wear little baby sunglasses and be tube fed for a while.

That's one jaundiced baby.

When we bought her home (after a two week stay in the hospital) she came with her own glowing bili-blanket to continue to help get rid of the jaundice 24/7.  She slept with me in bed, and it was like sleeping with a little glowworm.  She became our Gabby Glow-worm.

I had to leave her in hospital and come home before her.  I was remarkably well physically.  Leaving my little baby there and having to go and visit her to express milk was a dark dark time.  Expressing milk at the hospital is really not fun.

There were lots of things to be thankful about however.
- clever GPs who picked up on the initial diagnosis - if I had carried her to term there may have been severe consequences (illness, stillbirth)
- amazing hospital staff who cared so well for her and me
- the scientists who researched about this condition and came up with a simple resolution for most people (a preventative needle and UV treatment)
- Gab didn't need blood transfusions when she was born
- a wonderful husband who was a calm rock through all this, and dealing with an older toddler
- a now beautiful healthy slightly crazy girl

Now I carry antibodies in my blood.  If I got pregnant again I may have to have inter-uterine transfusions, or I might have miscarriages, or have a very pre-term baby.  Chris and I decided (after talking to a genetic counsellor - what a cool job) not to go for baby three.

The blood bank loves me to the point of stalking me. I have O negative blood with the antibodies in that they use to make the needles for other Rh negative mothers.  And I can pump out 600ml in five minutes.

I am so grateful for the gift of Gab.

 

Thanks God.

keeping the chickens happy

My chickens have turned their space into a barren dirt wasteland.  So I decided to use bits and bobs from around the house to make them an on tap gourmet green pick area for the days when I don't let them out into the yard (when I am at work, or out, or lazy, or have just mulched the garden and do not want it kicked everywhere).

I started with some spare bricks and made them into a little square.

I also had an old bath and a wheelbarrow full of dirt and chook poop.

I put some chicken wire over the top and planted some grass seed.  After about a week (in which it fortunately rained quite a lot), the seeds sprouted, letting the chickens peck the top of the grass without being able to pull out the roots or kick the dirt around.

Design features I might change in the future are using 'stiff' wire rather than chicken wire so the chooks can't walk across it and trample all over the growing grass.

But they seem pretty happy with their new green area in their enclosure.

Happy chooks.  Four eggs a day.  Yum.