surviving a teenage birthday party

Every three years we have a party for the girls - 3, 6, 9, 12, 15....

This year it was the fifteenth birthday of the oldest child.  Much planning. Many fairy lights. I over-catered a bit.  Well, a lot.  Those teenage girls eat like birds.  If the birds were tiny and not naughty ibis. (On a side note, I had my children convinced that the proper name for the garbage bin birds known as ibis was 'Naughty Ibis' for years after one of them stole a sandwich right out of Gab's hand at a picnic at Southbank one day).  We had baked potatoes filled with mince and coleslaw, salad and cheese and stuff- an excellent meal to feed lots of people with an indeterminate number of gluten frees, vegetarians, vegans and carnivores.

 45 of her closest friends all came dressed as something starting with 'A'.  There were Assassins, Allsorts, Athletes, Angels, Amigos, Aphrodite, Ants, Athena, an Award, ANne of Green Gables, Aurora, Arwen, Ariel and A person.  Annika went as Audrey Hepburn.

I was pretty proud of my hair and make up job - although she raced off before I could get a close up photo of it.  We found her dress and jewellary at an opshop.

There was music and some dancing and many many selfies and photos taken by the girls.  I probably only embarrassed my children a few times by dancing or trying to crack jokes with their friends.

I dressed up as an Angel.  I thought I would hairspray my hair out from my head so it would be like a golden halo of light.  This is what I thought in my head.  In reality, coupled with the extremely red face I got from cooking in a hot kitchen all night for the party, I looked more like Asylum Escapee.  Oh well.  That wasn't embarrassing for my teenage daughter.  Dum de dum. Not one bit.

Happy birthday my very grown up person who is kind of a mini me - but taller.....

It is so lovely to see her growing up and becoming the person God designed her to be.  And phew - done grade nine with one girl.  One down, one to go.

The Gap Disappears

There's a lot of good stuff to be said about the girls becoming older.  They can dress themselves, mostly feed themselves, look after their belongings (I live in hope with hats and memory sticks), contribute to the household, be left alone for a little while, have a good conversation and laugh at my jokes.

But recently I have noticed one thing.

The Gap has disappeared.

The Gap between when I go to bed and when they go to bed.

The Gap where I can watch some bad telly, chill out on the couch, write blog posts, hang around on social media, chat with Chris, read War and Peace in peace (side note - this is our bookclubs book for this month - BRING IT) and eat the secret cupboard chocolate.

They are going to bed at the same time or AFTER me.  It is late at night and there are still children wandering around the house.

I know I have to get used to this - if I want them to grow to be adults then they should probably have more freedoms and responsibilities.

I will have to find another time for my Gap activities....

and never reveal where the chocolate is.

flashback - Gab graduates

Due to government decisions made a few years ago, all the grade sixes in Queensland graduated in 2014, ready to start highschool in 2015.  This included my Gab.

Who is incredibly tall.  Possibly as tall as some year twelve students who graduated in 2014.  If I gave her a scarf, some scuffed jeans and some Vans she could rock up to uni in 2015 and no-one would bat an eyelid.

Graduation dress chosen by Gab after extensive searching and explanations of how she doesn't really wear a dress but will on this one occasion.  Phew.

Check it.

Oh to be 11 with long red curly hair and legs that go forever.

200 kids trooped across the stage to get their certificates.  It was.....extensive.  Fortunately, being an old hand at these things, I had packed life savers, crackers and tea in a flask.

The kids all had to sing a song together that Gab said took two hours practice each day for two weeks before the farewell night.  It was pretty impressive getting 200 kids to do choreographed moves, even the ones who clearly were not dancers.  Or singers,  Or movers.

Very proud of her,  She was awesome.

But I have just realised, as I cleaned out the girls drawers over the summer break - there is no more primary school uniforms.  I really have no reason to go back to primary school.  All of that hard won knowledge about the primary school lay of the land, the ins and outs, the people and the customs - is no longer needed.  From when I was a very nervous first time mum in prep, and gaining confidence through mistakes (forgetting bookpacks, the girls losing several hats, jumpers and lunchboxes, forgetting excursions, annoying other parents), to swanning around the school next to my enormous children..

I kind of forgot that I graduated primary school too in 2014.

Chin up.  What can possibly go wrong in highschool?

my pretty girls

My children are enormous.

I know that it happens.

But it HAPPENED.

I must have fed them or something.  Or given in to the constant 'I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy'.

Proud of them.

Now to put bricks on their heads so I don't end up the shortest one in this family.

just say yes

I don't even know what happened to May. Let's just make it non-blogging month - because I maybe was just too busy saying yes to doing cool stuff.  Here's some of the things I said 'yes' to:

- being in a choir concert with the QLD Pops Orchestra where I got to fire a CONFETTI CANNON during the 1812 overture .  Yep, I was allowed to shoot confetti all over the audience at QPAC - I was nervous I would get the timing wrong but the conductor was very clear - da da da da da da da da da daaaaa BOOM

- walking and walking and walking in preparation for the Bridge to Brisbane - I am not going to jog it but I am going to walk it.  Unfortunately my walking has not eventuated into Less Of Me yet....

- going to the very cool and inspiring Spectronics Inclusive Technologies conference - I presented on the first day in the first session (best conference timeslot ever) on working with Boardmaker in villages in Kyrgyzstan - and then spent the rest of the week soaking up knowledge and ideas from like minded people from all over the world - I have so many ideas to implement at work

- talking of work - saying 'yes' to having university students on prac with me - I never realise how much of my job is chatting and relationship building until I have a student standing next to me, probably drumming her fingers in her mind

- saying 'yes' to being in another choir performance of Boadecia - all about the Celtic Warrior Queen - lots of intense singing, blood and drama

- working towards our mid year holiday program at church and writing scripts for dramas - let's just say I managed to get a stampede of teenagers in animal onesies into the script.  Writing songs to record for the kids holiday program

- teaching every week with my wonderful grade threes in their RE lessons - we are working our way through the Old Testament stories.  I like to make their eyes go huge when we do the stories about how cool God's big plan is.

- becoming a sporting mum - Gab has started playing hockey this season.  I am now the one that screeches across the field GO GABBY.  Although most of the time I have no idea what she is supposed to be doing.  They all look so tough with their shinpads and mouthguards and sticks...

- cooking and eating and participating in Bake and Share (possibly one of the reasons why there is not Less Of Me - see above)

- hanging out with friends, hanging out with family, partying, joining Twitter

- reading books for bookclub and for myself, learning from 1 Peter about being brave and kind with the gospel

- making sure I watch every episode of Orphan Black

- music concerts, music practices, homework, washing, ironing, cooking, tidying

Why doesn't the bathroom clean itself - doesn't it know I have Confetti Cannons to Fire?!

This is one of those times where I feel I am grabbing the opportunities as they come up.  Saying 'yes'.  Giving things a go.  Because it doesn't have to be perfect all the time.  If you wait for the right time, it will never happen.

Just say yes.

an autumnic wedding

Last week we made the trip south to a picturesque Armidale for a special wedding - for my mother-in-law. It is not really my story to tell of their autumn romance.  But it was a happy occasion.  And I can tell the story of our trip to see it.

We got all dressed up in our bestest best best.  This had involved MANY discussions and preparation.  Gabby had even packed a plastic snaplock bag in her suitcase called 'Granny's wedding outfit'.  I learned how to do a fishbraid.

This is another bit of the family all dressed up.  Hanging our with cousins rocks.

I had optimistically packed a sleeveless silk dress to wear to the wedding.  I didn't really think through the coldness of a brick cathedral in Armidale in autumn.  I wore my back up outfit (because I definitely didn't pack light this trip as we were driving down - I had a couple of back up outfits).

And they got married.  To the lovely liturgy of the old Anglican wedding service.  The rhythms of the words that have been said for centuries.

We surprised them by singing a song that all of their children had practised - in a four part arrangement.  It was an achievement getting everyone together to practise without the wedding couple finding out.  We had to be quite sneaky....

And now we have a super big family - kids, spouses, more kids, cousins, in-laws, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties, daughters, sons.  One granny.  And new relationships.

It was such a good week of meeting and playing with everyone.  Remembering new beginnings at Easter.

They had a BBQ tea reception and twin croquembouches.  I am wiping a little piece of drool off thinking about those delicious custard filled pastries drizzled with toffee.

 On Easter Sunday we went on an Easter picnic after church.  Kass (my exceptionally creative sister-in-law) had created this amazing pinata.

Ella made short work of it.  Easter eggs flew everywhere.  There was a flurry and a scramble from all the cousins to grab the eggs and avoid the patch of stinging nettles.

Where there is a creek boys will chuck rocks into it.  And judge each other's performance.  And be competitive about it.

Victorious easter egg hunt competitor.

Where there is water kids will get into it and fall in.  Even when it is a chilly Armidale afternoon.

It was such a good week with family.  Thankful.

13 things I have learned being the mum of a picky eater who now eats

While I am in reflection mode I thought I would remember the years of dealing with my picky eating second daughter.  The things I learned and the parenting fails.

1. Eating is so emotionally powerful.  If they couldn't control anything else in their life they could control where and when they opened their mouths.  I have (mostly) learned not to take it as a personal rejection if they refuse the meal I had spent ages over.  My identity as a mother is not around whether my children praise me for every morsel I feed them.  My job is to consistently serve up healthy balanced meals and model how to eat it.

2.  I just needed to BACK OFF.  I have found that if we had the expectation that she would sit with us at mealtimes, and presented her food, then merrily eat around her and talk about different things, most of the time she might try what is in front of her.

3. Telling her about research helped.  I informed her that most of the children around the world, regardless of country and age, take about 20-25 minutes to have a meal.  Beyond that it is mucking around and wasting energy.  So mealtimes became a 30 minute routine - washing hands (sensory getting ready), eating together, and cleaning up your plate.  This completely took the pressure off sitting and waiting for her to finish eating.

4.  Having a stable posture really made a difference.  My child would spend half of the dinner time upside down, running around the table or swinging on the chair.  Giving her a 90-90-90 (feet, knees, hips) sitting position helped unbelievably.  I used phone books under her feet and/or the little step Ikea stool.  She didn't have to worry that her body was swinging around in space and could concentrate more on the different textures in her food.

5. We changed most of our meals to family style serving - when you put out all of the food and let her choose what she would like to eat and how much.  And we included a safe food that we knew she would eat.  For example, when I made slow cooker stew (which she hated) I served bread slices with it (which she loved).  She gradually started dipping her bread into the stew and trying it.  And I didn't say anything or force her too, but just modelled how to do it.  We eat a lot of wrap meals - tacos, burritos, lamb wraps, rice paper rolls etc.  And I hide some vegies in sauces (eg minced zucchini in spaghetti sauce).

6.  She was involved in the cooking - both at home and at school.  They have had the Stephanie Alexander program running at school, which has been amazing.  The flavour combinations are complex and the things they eat straight out of the garden are so fresh.  My daughter has started eating recipes she has done at school that include all sorts of things she had never tried before.

7. We have a meal plan.  She can see for the week what I am planning to cook and plan for it in her mind.  If it is something she doesn't really like she has a few days to work up to it.  I have been cooking my way through a Jamie Oliver cookbook - so some of the flavours are really different for her.  But with warning she copes really well.

8. Dessert night - we have dessert once a week on family night.  If you finish your meal or not you still get dessert.  On other nights if you finish your meal or not you don't get dessert.  Finishing her broccoli has not become dependent on whether you get icecream.  And we have made pretty good desserts.

9. Having both parents model good eating and be calm about food intake.  I have learned this the hard way about not getting emotionally attached.

10. Recognising that sometimes I was getting her to try the most sensorily difficult food at the times when she was the most tired eg stir fry for dinner (all different textures and tastes mixed in together).  I give her more veges and meat earlier in the day when it is calmer - leftovers for breakfast, celery and carrot sticks for morning tea, beef burgers for lunch

11. Encouraging her to try something at least 15 times before she knows she doesn't eat it.  For example, she never really liked fish/seafood. In fact hates them. I kept offering it, until she threw up some dumplings that had prawn in them.  I am fairly certain she may be allergic to seafood (like her grandad).  I work around it now.  Although I kept offering tomatoes in different formats, and now she eats cherry tomatoes and chopped up tomatoes in a salsa.

12.  Letting her pack her own lunchbox and choose what to eat out if it.  I made a list of all the options she could have in her lunch box and gave her the control.  Of course all of the options I gave her I was happy with her eating (eg fruit, crackers, some home baking).  When she was a toddler I used to pack her lunchbox and say to her - 'you can have anything you like out of there, I don't mind'.  She controlled what she ate and when.  I controlled what went into the lunchbox.

13. Kids learn to eat by eating.  All that messy-food everywhere-putting anything and everything in their mouth-experimentation stage is building up their sensory system to try different tastes and textures and get their mouth ready for eating.  Some kids, like mine, take a while to get used to new things, so building up their tolerances slowly, carefully and calmly, possibly over years, is really important.  Being persistent and consistent pays off. It may be just sitting at the table while the scary despised food is there.  It may be being able to take her to someone's house for a BBQ and knowing that I didn't have to bring a separate meal.  I needed to celebrate the wins.

Of course, I have only had a picky eater, not a true fussy feeder.  I work with some kids who need such support with their eating due to major sensory and physical difficulties.  It is a long road for some kids - but I am there to support them.  I will never ever say 'they'll eat when they're hungry'.  Some kids just don't.

I have learned that stand-offs at mealtimes are no fun for anyone, and we descended into power struggles that nobody won.  We have still not got there totally, but our mealtimes are a lot calmer and more enjoyable. And I don't dread cooking, fearing it would be left abandoned on a lonely plate.

Although I have well-fed chickens and a satisfied dog.


NB I have attended a SOS Picky Eaters and Fussy Feeders course with Dr Kay Toomey which is where a lot of this information comes from - it kind of changed my life with eating a bit.  I also really recommend the book 'Child of Mine' by Ellyn Satter.

when your baby is positive and all you are is negative

This is a bit of a flashback blog.

During my pregnancy with Gab, when I had the 28 week blood tests, I got one of those phone calls from the GP - 'can you please come back, there's something not right about your results'.

Gulp.

Heart in my mouth I went back to my wonderful doctor, who had picked up that my titre levels were rising.  At that point I had no idea what that meant.  I nodded, went uh huh, and went off to have another scan of my growing little baby.

I learned that Titre Levels Rising did not mean I was eating way too much chocolate that was good for the baby (as I had suspected), but that my body was creating antibodies against my baby.  I was treating her like a foreign object in my blood.  My body was trying hard to expel her.

She had positive blood.  I am RH negative (here's a definition).

At some point between 12 and 28 weeks in my pregnancy there had been a bleed/some kind of blood transfer between her and me.  I have never really got a full answer on this, but sometimes it just happens.  Usually it is okay (eg positive and positive), but positive and negative blood mixing is BAD.  I had had a needle to prevent further difficulties after my first baby - but somehow it didn't work.

Basically, Gab was in danger of my body rejecting her.

So then came the scans and blood tests every week.  Testing the level of antibodies in my blood, and testing her development of heart, brain and lungs.  The balancing game of keeping her in utero as long as possible to develop and bringing her out before my body attacked her too much.

I remember so clearly the afternoon it was decided that she needed to come out.  I had waited for my blood test results at the Mater, and the doctor said - 'levels too high.  Go home, pack your bag, she's coming out this afternoon.'  I had made it to 36 and a half weeks.

I was induced.

Nuff said.

Then I met my beautiful little surprisingly red haired Gabrielle, got to hold her for about half an hour before she went off to the intensive nursery for severe jaundice.

Here she is having her UV treatment.

She had to wear little baby sunglasses and be tube fed for a while.

That's one jaundiced baby.

When we bought her home (after a two week stay in the hospital) she came with her own glowing bili-blanket to continue to help get rid of the jaundice 24/7.  She slept with me in bed, and it was like sleeping with a little glowworm.  She became our Gabby Glow-worm.

I had to leave her in hospital and come home before her.  I was remarkably well physically.  Leaving my little baby there and having to go and visit her to express milk was a dark dark time.  Expressing milk at the hospital is really not fun.

There were lots of things to be thankful about however.
- clever GPs who picked up on the initial diagnosis - if I had carried her to term there may have been severe consequences (illness, stillbirth)
- amazing hospital staff who cared so well for her and me
- the scientists who researched about this condition and came up with a simple resolution for most people (a preventative needle and UV treatment)
- Gab didn't need blood transfusions when she was born
- a wonderful husband who was a calm rock through all this, and dealing with an older toddler
- a now beautiful healthy slightly crazy girl

Now I carry antibodies in my blood.  If I got pregnant again I may have to have inter-uterine transfusions, or I might have miscarriages, or have a very pre-term baby.  Chris and I decided (after talking to a genetic counsellor - what a cool job) not to go for baby three.

The blood bank loves me to the point of stalking me. I have O negative blood with the antibodies in that they use to make the needles for other Rh negative mothers.  And I can pump out 600ml in five minutes.

I am so grateful for the gift of Gab.

 

Thanks God.

babies grow up

When my girls were small I had several mothers of older children say to me 'it will go too fast, remember this time'.  I scoffed internally and continued to try and deal with the toddler issue of the moment.

I believe those mothers now.  I have a highschooler.

Uniform policy is quite strict at her highschool.  She has even polished her shoes and worn a ribbon every day.

This was Annika on her first day of grade one.

Gab at the start of 2014 - she is looking happy and confident to be a grade 6 kid.

She was a little bit more nervous starting prep.  (sniff sniff)

Then...

Now...

My other furry baby is not going to school though.  She is just happy to pick them up at the end of the day.

Soon they will be taller than me.

quick trip to Sydney

Jetstar had cheap flights to Sydney.  So I impulsively booked them for our family to go down and visit the cousins in January.

We had a great time.  Stood in front of many iconic Sydney landmarks.  Ate much delicious Sydney food (is it wrong to wish a Sydney Lebanese restaurant with side businesess in Italian Gelato, Turkish Pide and Greek Baklava would open up in our suburb in Brisbane? - this is my regular diet I Must Eat When Visiting Sydney).

(warning - long photo blog post - smooshing in photos from a whole week into one post...possibly not wise)

Six cousins on the steps of the Opera House (the seventh cousin was small and at home).

Watching 'Wind in the Willows' in the Botanic Gardens - excellent! (thanks Aunty Katie for the ticket presents!).

This cruise ship was enormous.  I'm not sure I would like to be on such a large ship.  I would be disaster managing the whole time.  Pretty sure they don't show 'Titanic' as their on board movie.

Lunch in the back yard with all the fam.

Smiley boys!  Love it.

These are the three second born cousins.  In their own families they are a bit of an outlier - but put them together and the genetics makes sense.

Granny and all her grandkids.  In the sun.  Squinting.

So lovely to see the cousins playing together - even though we are states apart they get on well.

We visited my friend's farm in Gerringong.  Completely gorgeous and lovely to see them for an all too brief catch up.

Some of her chickens.  Producing tasty eggs in their chicken caravan.  The is truly organic and free range.  Impressive.

I pretended to drive the quad bike.  This was tolerated.  I didn't want to take off and dump all of the children out of the trailer.

A man and his pigs.  Or, as I visualized them, tasty sides of bacon running around.

Thanks for the lovely catch up Fi.  If you like, you can live close again.  Because I miss you.  Although I am pretty sure Brisbane cannot compete with your farm view.

On the way back from Gerringong we went to this awesome trampoline park.  I didn't jump (after two children I felt I couldn't adequately guarantee the wiseness of doing a lot of jumping) - but the girls and Chris had a hard core hour of jumptastic fun.

A special shout out to Aunty Katie and Uncle Matt, who had our children for three days extra in Sydney while we went back to Brisbane.  I guess it is our turn next to send us your children!

Did I mention I love the food in Sydney? mmmmmm Gelato...